Abuse? What Abuse?!
Mar 8th, 2010 | By Guest Contributor | Category: Featured Articles
(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
Loading ...Have you ever had “the abuse conversation” with your mother? Has she ever said to you that if anybody touches your “intimate parts,” it is called abuse and it is not acceptable? Has she ever told you that if anybody calls you names and emotionally blackmails you because you do not want to do something they asked you to, it is also a form of abuse? Most chances are that the answer is no. The reason for this silence is very simple: we are not brought up this way. When you grow up in a society where the man is powerful and the woman is a slave to his wishes, it is very normal to not have these conversations, let alone to know the meaning of the word “abuse”.
Men allow themselves to take such actions because they think that women are here to satisfy their fantasies. They fantasize about lesbian sex, and in their minds, women are not feeling pleasure when touching each other, they are only doing so to boost the men’s excitement, to obey their orders, to do as they say, when they say it. Abusers do not realize the damages they can cause to their victims. They do not realize that what they are doing is ruining lives and making it even harder to have a normal lifestyle.
What I am about to say, I have never said before. I used to be a victim of sexual abuse.
At the age of 8, I was abused by the son of my parents’ colleague. To describe it would be too graphic. What I am going to say is that it was brought to me as a game; but when I said that I wanted it to stop, the guy told me that if I made a sound, he would hit me, and if I talked about it, I would die. I cried waterfalls while trying not to make a sound. When he was done, I just ran away. At that age, you manage to put it away in the back of your mind and forget it ever happened. You go on with your life as normal as any child.
At the age of 11-12, I was once again abused. This time, by a friend’s father. That’s when things went bad for me. I remembered the earlier incident, I became really depressed, I became suicidal, I cut myself, and I stopped talking to everybody. I felt that it was all my fault, I felt disgusted, I felt dirty, no matter how many showers I took.
My only fault was not talking about it to my parents.
Things took a turn when I decided to prove to myself that not all guys are like this. I started becoming friends with them; I even became one of the “boys”. Girls envied the relation I had with guys; I was not intimidated by them, if anything, they were intimidated by me. They saw that, not only was I a part of their gang, but I was also very independent. I didn’t need them to protect me and it scared them.
A couple of weeks ago, I was on a bus and a guy was sitting next to me. At some point, he took his d*** out of his pants, covered it with his jacket, stood up, pretended to close the window, and shoved it in my face. I started shouting at him, while still being polite. His face turned green, purple, and blue. He was so embarrassed that he stepped off the bus. If that were to happen to me a couple of years ago, my reaction would have been totally different.
If you are reading this and you have been in a similar situation, you have to keep in mind that you ARE NOT responsible for what happened to you. You did not bring it upon yourself. You can come out of it as strong as a rock, like I did. Do not be a victim all your life. The sooner you realize that it was not your fault, the sooner you will be able to free yourself from this weight. Let it make you stronger, because it can, and in a very powerful way.
- Contributed by Rhea
That’s a very good article…
A lot of guys think they are the everything, and they can do anything they want without getting punished…
because this is how they are brought up, by their parents…!
but some of the guys i can say, are better, because they have a mind that they use!
Excellent article. I am also a survivor of sexual abuse. I tell the same advice to anyone who experienced what I went through, you cannot let it make you the victim, in my situation, extensive therapy worked wonders. I also became one of the guys to make myself stronger. I learned how to have respect for myself and in by being independent and able to stand on my own, I earned their respect. Most of my best friends are guys.
I am so happy to meet another survivor. When you allow yourself to heal, there is no greater feeling of victory. You are amazed by how much strength and fortitude you truly have.
well green, you got it all right!!!! it is not only a great feeling but i think that it is what makes you who you are today. How you handle the abuse, how you let it affect you, how you come out of it (and that is if you come out of it, which i hope everyone does),… all that is what builds you into either a weaker or a stringer person.
Shout out for all the abuse victims, you are the maker of your own destiny, don’t let it ruin you!!!
Green congrats!!! its good to hear that you made it out stronger
Rhea,
I think it is very brave that you are able to stand up for yourself. I hope that many (oppressed) women will read this and will realize that it is not their fault, if they suffer abuse. I believe too many women think it’s their own fault and that is not good.
I really hope you can move more women to be strong and brave. Support each other in these matters is a really good thing to do. Thumbs up!!
One thing about guys fantasizing about lesbian love, well I think the reasoning behind it is simple. He doesn’t want another guy in it. In other words he would like to have the girls for himself, for his own pleasure. Yeah they are all cool with lesbian girls, as long as it’s for their pleasure. If it’s not than they think of it as unnatural. I am talking about the the selfish guys here only.
Kind regards
Alex